New #radio interview for Replacement Child. Listen to Meet the Author interview of Judy Mandel.
Archive for the ‘Plane Crashes’ Category
New Radio Interview for Replacement Child
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010"Replacement Child" for a Physically or Mentally #Challenged Sibling?
Thursday, February 25th, 2010Another interesting facet of the ‘replacement child’ discussion is the idea of expanding the term to include the child who is born after a mentally or physically challenged child. In some families, the subsequent child may be looked upon to live out the hopes and dreams that parents had for the first child–that were thwarted when they discovered the child’s disability. I hadn’t specifically thought about this until a friend, psychotherapist Elayne Savage, PhD, brought up the topic when we spoke today. She has had a good deal of experience treating adults who identify with being a replacement child, and says that replacing a living sibling in this way can have similar impact with regard to identity and rejection issues. (Dr. Savage is also available for consultation.)
Although Replacement Child doesn’t deal specifically with this notion, many of my stories in the book point to a complicated dance around my sister Linda’s — I hesitate to use the term — disabilities, that were due to the plane crash and the burns she suffered at the age of two. I certainly felt guilt at being the one spared from the crash, especially in the face of her continued struggles with her reconstructive surgeries, physical limitations and extensive scarring. So, as Dr. Savage pointed out–I had a double wammy of replacing my sister who died, and being the replacement for my living sister to be all that she could not be for my parents. Hmmmm—complication upon complication.
A replacement child for a physically or mentally challenged sibling carries the responsibility of living up to parents’ expectations for the first child that may undermine their sense of a unique identity. It may be another overlooked aspect of family history that can have far reaching implications in our choices, our relationships and our understanding of ourselves.
New Video Interview – Judy Mandel
Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010Crash Anniversary January 22 – And a Trip to Remember
Monday, February 1st, 2010I scheduled a flight this year on the 58th anniversary of the plane crash that took my sister’s life, changed the lives of everyone in my family, and was the very reason I was born. Usually, my sister Linda would have sent me a warning email or called me to tell me not to plan a flight on this day. But, she’s gone now, so no warnings came when I planned this trip to LA for a book signing.
It was the last actual booksigning scheduled for the launch of Replacement Child, and I made it into a mini vacation for me and my husband to explore California together a bit. The northeast has been pretty brutal this year and I looked forward to thawing my bones a little as a bonus. Another bonus was that I got to see some old friends who are out there.
That part was truly special, to catch up with old friends and to remember myself as I was when we were all just teenagers. It is amazing what we didn’t know then–about ourselves, and about the individual challenges we all faced within our families. Talking to my two childhood friends I realized that although Replacement Child may be anchored in a unique tragic event, the family issues within its pages are universal. We all have internal barriers to our happiness and success that we had to surmount, either from our parents or siblings–or just circumstance. Parents were different with their different children, and each had their own experience–some better than others. Sometimes we barely recognize the description of a parent told from the point of view of our brother or sister. For many of us, it’s taken the better part of our lives to understand the reasons we may have sabotaged relationships, or chosen the exact wrong person to marry, or failed to take the risks needed for our success. But, what I discovered from my own writing is that it’s never too late to claim your life and to live out your dreams, whether they are lofty ones or just the hope that we can be quietly happy with someone who we love, and who loves us.
Oh yea, the rest of the trip was fabulous! California is a beautiful wonderland. Maybe that’s my next dream, to live in those gorgeous hills near the ocean where you can almost feel your spirit lifting out of your body and screaming in delight.